


Penguins and Robins

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Edward Nygma is clueless, Edward you dork, Edward's dating a blond version of Oswald, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Jealous Oswald Cobblepot, Jim Gordon is very passionate about Gotham, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: A season 3 au in which instead of Isabella Edward meets a guy who looks exactly like Oswald only blond. When Penguin confronts his Chief of Staff about it, however, the other man denies the resemblance with passion.





	Penguins and Robins

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Boossuet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet) for being a great beta

Oswald smiled at the empty chair in front of him. This was the very special evening he was going to confess his love to his best and only true friend. Excited and anxious simultaneously, he reached for the glass of wine to sooth his nerves only to find it empty. Edward was supposed to bring the wine. But Edward was late. Edward was  _ never  _ late. He was the most punctual and precise person Oswald knew. Well-organized on the verge of obsessiveness. Why was he late now? A dread that something awful had happened to his dear Edward slowly crept inside Oswald’s heart, poisoning the pleasant lightheadedness of the upcoming love confession. Hour after hour passed with no news of Edward. Oswald waited all night, feeling increasingly more worried with each passing minute. He tried calling but Edward wasn’t picking up his phone. Finally, tormented by horrific images of what evil might have come upon his friend, Oswald couldn’t wait any longer and called the police.

“I know it has to be 24 hours before filing a missing person's report but, sir, _ I am the mayor _ !” He insisted over the phone. What good all his power was if he couldn’t keep safe his beloved Edward.

Suddenly footsteps came from behind him.

“Oswald?” The familiar voice uttered.

Oswald dropped the handset and threw himself at Edward, pulling him into his arms with unmasked desperation. “Ed! Thank God, you’re alright!” he gasped, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. “You weren’t answering your phone, I was worried. Are you okay?”

“I’m better than okay. I met someone!” Edward replied with a wide grin. He was oozing excitement and Oswald frowned confused. “I think I’m in love!” Ed announced with a dorky giggle.  

Had the world ended at that very moment, Oswald would've been less crushed. “You-- what?”

Edward was speaking loud and fast, unable to contain his enthusiasm. “I never thought I could ever experience love again after what happened with Kristen. But, Oswald, I can feel it again! I can’t wait to see him again!”

“Him?” Oswald whispered hopefully. “It’s a him?”  

Edward looked down at his hands a bit sheepishly, his cheeks heating with a faint blush. “Well, yes. He is a guy. I-- I haven’t indulged that part of me before. But when I saw him, it was love at first sight.” That same dreamy look returned on Edward’s face. “Oswald, he’s amazing! Beautiful and funny and he enjoys my riddles...”

Oswald’s heart broke for the hundredth time since the beginning of this conversation. He didn’t know what to say to any of this. A few more moments and he would yell  _ ‘But you can’t love him! I’m in love with you!’ _ It was a perverted sort of luck that Ed didn’t really give him a chance to butt in. Oswald was forced to listen to him talk about his new love. It was a whole new level of torture to listen to the love of his life describe in excruciating detail how much he loved someone else. With pursed lips, Oswald did his best to smile and nod. He was sure he was extremely unconvincing but Edward was too distracted by his own love life to notice.

~*~

Edward had been checking his wristwatch several times already during their meeting and it was beginning to irk Penguin. “Do you need to be someplace?” he finally asked.

“Not exactly,” Edward replied, adjusting his glasses. “But I have to leave early tonight, if that’s alright with you.”

“By all means,” Oswald assured with a tight smile but he couldn’t help but wonder what demanded Edward’s attention all the sudden. Was it the new boyfriend? “Any special plans for tonight?” Oswald asked, masking his interest with nonchalance.

“Just meeting with Robin,” Edward replied in the same casual fashion.

Robin, as Oswald was informed, was the name of Edward’s new beloved. Charming. Penguin and Robin. Ed sure seemed to have an affinity for birds.

“I miss him so much already. He’s definitely the love of my life.”

Oswald had to fight the sudden urge to exclaim  _ ‘But you’ve only met him a day ago!’  _ and instead only asked innocently, “So, a date?”

Edward smiled like he couldn’t help it and nodded. “Yes.”

The giddy expression on the Chief of Staff’s face only made Oswald feel even more heartbroken and irritated. “Well, I hope you have a nice evening,” he forced himself to say.

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be more than nice.” Edward replied, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

The forced smile on Oswald’s face faded instantly at that remark. Damn this Robin person already! He was stealing Edward away from Oswald and there was nothing Oswald could do about it! He was helpless. He despised the feeling of helplessness.

“Are you even sure it’s love? You’ve only just met him last night,” he carefully reminded Ed.

“The heart keeps its own time,” Edward replied.

Oswald pursed his lips annoyed. “What does he do?” he asked.

“He looks after birds in the zoo.” Edward smiled fondly. He seemed completely blind to Oswald’s frustration.

Looking after birds in the zoo? How cliche, Oswald thought. He was about to ask more questions, not that he hadn’t already heard too much about how amazing Robin was, but Edward began gathering his papers, getting ready to leave.

“I should get going. I need to prepare for tonight,” he said. “It’s not a problem that I’m leaving early, right?”

Another forced smile. “Not at all. Who am I to stand in the way of love?”

Edward beamed at him again and left for his date. Oswald remained in his mansion like the bitter heartbroken man that he was.

~*~  

A few days passed before Oswald finally got to meet Edward’s new feathery boyfriend. Not for lack of trying, mind you. He had gone to the zoo on three occasions already, coming up with all sorts of silly excuses in hope of checking out the competition. However, all three times Ed’s little Robin wasn’t there. It was sheer bad luck that Oswald couldn’t catch him. But today, by some lucky chance, the bird flew into Oswald’s cage on his own accord.

It started with a doorbell.

“A man. For Mr. Nygma,” Olga announced in her usual unimpressed manner. “Says he a boyfriend.”

“Well, Mr. Nygma isn’t here now,” Oswald said.

“I’ll send man away?”

“No, no, Olga. We mustn’t be rude to the friends of our friends,” Oswald said with a little smirk of his own. “Show him in. I’ll speak to him.”

For a short moment Oswald’s heart fluttered a little, strange nervousness overtaking him at the idea of meeting the man Ed had bestowed his love upon. He wondered what that person was like, and if Ed’s infatuation with him would even last. All his internal anxieties disappeared almost instantly, however, when he saw the man who stepped into his study.

It was like looking into a mirror. Edward’s little bird had to be either a clone or some kind of a weird joke because he had the exact same face and body type as Oswald. The only difference in their appearances were the lack of eyeliner, the very blond hair, and the fact that the man wore a t-shirt and pants instead of custom tailored suits. Other than that, the likeness was uncanny!

Oswald stared at the visitor, gaping at him stupidly. “You’re Edward’s boyfriend?”

The man smiled widely and nodded. “I’m Robin Abernathy. So pleased to meet you, Mr. Mayor! Edward has told me  _ so  _ much about you.”

“Yes… he mentioned you a few times too,” Oswald said slowly, still recovering from the shock of seeing his double. “How did you-- I mean, the two of you, how did you…?”

“How did we meet?” Abernathy supplied with a cheerful chuckle. Even his voice was similar to Oswald’s, only softer, kinder. “Well, it’s very funny, really. Edward was buying wine and I was close by, also buying wine. He asked me a riddle and I happened to solve it. We haven’t stop talking to one another ever since.”

Oswald swallowed. “So you bonded over riddles and…”  _ and your obvious resemblance to me _ , he wanted to add but didn’t.

“We bond over everything,” Abernathy grinned even wider, a faint blush gracing his cheeks as he said it. Oswald didn’t want to think what other kinds of bonding that blush indicated.

He cleared his throat instead. “Has anyone ever told you that you remind them of someone?”

Abernathy gave it some thought and shook his head, “No, not really.”

“No one? Not even Ed?” Oswald pressed. There was absolutely no way Edward hadn’t noticed the resemblance!

Abernathy shook his head again. “Nope. Why? Do I remind  _ you  _ of someone?”

Oswald rolled his eyes. The man was an idiot if he couldn’t see it. “Not at all,” he said out loud with fake politeness. “So. You seem to appreciate Ed quite a lot.”

“Ed is… very special to me,” Abernathy said with another wide smile, flustered again. This was  _ so  _ ridiculous! Why would Edward date someone who looked  _ exactly  _ like Oswald? It was irritating. Oswald didn’t know what to make of it.

“Well, I’m glad Ed found love and happiness again,” Oswald said, rising up from his chair to get closer to Robin. “You see, ever since he got out of Arkham he’s been feeling really down.”

Oswald summoned a look of regret on his face, expecting the other man to react at the news of Edward's imprisonment, but instead Robin only nodded understandingly.

“Edward was in Arkham, you know,” Oswald clarified, just in case the little bird was too dumb to put two and two together. “People typically go to Arkham for murder. It’s a horrible place, filled with lunatics and maniacs who enjoy murder.”

Robin nodded. “I know what Arkham is. Poor Edward,” he sighed and it looked quite genuine. Then he leaned in closer to Oswald and whispered, “Eddie told me about his past. I have to confess, I understand him. I myself am not completely innocent…”

Oswald’s eyes went wide. Was this blubbering idiot a criminal? A murderer? Was the stupidity just a disguise to fool his enemies? What if he was planted here to ruin Edward and Oswald? What if this was some kind of a plan to destroy them?

Oswald leaned in to better hear every word, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Abernathy nodded sadly. “I have blood on my hands. It happened a couple of months ago. I was at the zoo, where I work, and… Well, someone had left the tiger cage open. I usually work with birds so when I saw that huge tiger in front of me I panicked!”

“You let the tiger eat someone?” Oswald guessed, unimpressed. That was hardly an Arkham worthy murder.  

“Well, no. But I locked myself in the aviary to hide from the tiger. Unfortunately, while the door was open a few birds escaped… they flew away and we couldn’t find them,” he sobbed.

Oswald was puzzled. What was this guy talking about? “How is that blood on your hands…?” He finally asked.

“The poor creatures are probably dead by now! Because of me! They’re not used to the wild life outside the zoo! If only I hadn’t opened that door… If only I had faced that tiger!”

Oswald blinked. Speaking to this man was pointless. However, a serious talk with Edward was required when the Chief of Staff returned home. It was imperative they discuss this Robin business.

Abernathy was still struggling to quiet down his sobbing over the escaped birds. Oswald inhaled deeply.

“Yes, that is very tragic,” he said, impatient to get rid of the guy. “You can go get some cake from Olga. The kitchen’s that way.”

A little surprised and puzzled by the sudden dismissal, Abernathy left the study, heading to the kitchen where apparently he was to wait for Edward’s return. Meanwhile Oswald relaxed into his chair with an audible sigh. Was this for real? It was insane! Too insane to be real. The day Oswald planned to tell Edward about his feelings for him, Edward started dating a freaking  _ clone!  _ If that wasn’t craziness, Oswald didn’t know what was.

~*~  

Edward did not keep him waiting for too long. Soon he burst into Oswald’s study, grinning widely. “Oswald! Olga told me you met Robin! I’m so glad. Isn’t he the sweetest?”

Oswald had no time or patience to play this game. He decided to take the bull by the horns. “Enough with the charades, Edward. Tell me what’s really going on,” he demanded.

Edward was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“I mean Robin, Ed! You can’t have missed to notice how much he looks like me!”

“Robin doesn’t look-- He doesn’t look like you! He doesn’t look  _ anything  _ like you. What are you talking about?” Edward denied it with passion.

“Tell me the truth,” Oswald insisted, then took a step closer to Ed and whispered, “Are you trying to discover who created him? He has to be a clone, right? Are you investigating the situation? Is that why you’re pretending to--”

“To love him?” Edward cut him off angrily. “No, Oswald. That’s not why I’m dating him. It’s not pretending, it’s real. I actually do love him!”

Oswald swallowed.

“He’s everything I ever wanted, Oswald,” Edward added.

“HE’S MY CLONE!!!” Oswald yelled, exasperated. “MY LIKENESS!”

“He’s sweet and charming! You’re selfish and demanding! He’s nothing like you!” Edward blurted out, startling Oswald with his passionate exclamation.

Oswald froze. The words were too hurtful for him to even come up with a proper reply to them.

Edward looked at him with a mixture of disapproval and disappointment, then fixed his tie, regaining his calm. “You’re very wrong in your assumptions, Oswald. I resent the mere implication. Robin is very important to me so I’d appreciate it if you behaved like my friend and accepted my relationship with him instead of throwing hissy fits.”

Oswald gaped but then quickly deflated. “Edward, I  _ am  _ your friend. It’s just… Don’t you find the physical resemblance odd?” he asked helplessly.

“There is no resemblance,” Edward denied.

Oswald pursed his lips. “Fine,” he barked. “You want to be blind to it, be blind then! But I think I know what this is. You want  _ me _ , Ed. You want to be with me and because you fear that you can’t have me you found yourself a substitute!”

“Pfft! This is ridiculous, Oswald! Do you even hear yourself?” Edward laughed.

“That’s the  _ only  _ logical explanation to your behavior, Edward,” Oswald insisted.

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you anymore, Oswald. It’s demeaning, ridiculous, and very stupid.”

That said, Ed turned his back on Oswald and headed to the door. It was then that they both noticed Robin was standing at the door frame, eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar.

“R-Robin…” Edward muttered.

“Is that what I am to you, Ed?” Robin asked, eyes glistening with tears.

“No! No, of course not, Robin! Oswald doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I love you,” Edward reassured.

Oswald watched with a heavy heart as Edward put his arms around his boyfriend and embraced him, kissing his head gently. The fact that this boyfriend looked like Oswald but wasn’t Oswald somehow only made things worse.

“I’ll be staying over at Robin’s,” Ed announced, not even glancing in the Mayor’s direction. His voice was cutting like a sharp knife, inflicting pain with each syllable. “I wouldn’t want to disturb you.”

“Ed, I--” Oswald uttered but Edward only waved him off angrily and left the study with Robin by his side.

~*~

It had been a week since he sort of moved in with Robin in Robin’s little apartment. He was still too mad at Oswald to go talk to him so he mostly conducted whatever work he had from home, avoiding finding himself face to face with the Mayor at all cost. What was impossible to handle from a distance he delegated to his deputy chief of staff, Tarquin, who gladly stepped up in Ed’s absence.

Edward didn’t want to see Oswald but it was useless to lie to himself and pretend that everything was alright after their fight. It was affecting him badly. Oswald’s friendship meant a lot to Ed, more than he could put into words, he didn’t want to lose that. Yet Oswald’s accusations were  _ insane _ ! Robin was  _ not  _ a clone! Their relationship was special and Oswald had no right to say those things or behave the way he did! Oswald was supposed to be happy for Edward, to be supportive. Instead he claimed Edward had some sort of shameful suppressed feelings for the Mayor. It was as ridiculous as it was mad.

“You’re quiet again,” Robin noted one afternoon while they were reclining on his couch in front of the TV. It was so domestic, it put Edward at ease, making him feel calm and relaxed much like when he was spending time with Oswald. Ugh! Oswald again! He had to get Oswald out of his head!

“What?” he muttered when he realized he had forgotten what the question was.

“You’re quiet. Lost in thought. You feel… distant,” Robin repeated patiently.

Edward felt a pang of guilt. He supposed he was a bit moody lately. It must’ve been no picnic for Robin to be around him when he was so depressingly dull.

“I’m sorry, I hadn’t realized,” he mumbled apologetically. “I’m sure it’s the stress.” Not wanting to worry his partner further, Ed forced a smile to his face. He hoped his boyfriend was buying it.

Robin was the best thing to happen to Ed recently. He was sweet, understanding, and he loved Ed. As if that wasn’t enough but his eyes sparkled in the most wonderful shade of blue-green Edward had ever seen, his smile was charming and endearing, his features and his frame so pleasing. Edward had a thing for Robin’s eyes and mouth, for his appearance, but that wasn’t all of it. Robin made Ed feel at home. The only other person to ever make him feel that way was…, well, … Oswald.

Darn it! Not Oswald again! He wasn’t supposed to think about Oswald!

He leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “Nothing’s changed, I promise. I’m just worried about--” he trailed off. 

“About the Mayor?” Robin supplied.

Edward nodded. There was no use concealing this from Robin. He knew how close Ed and the Mayor were. No doubt he had come to his own conclusions already.

“Oswald is,” Ed continued, clearing his throat, “Oswald is a very emotional man. Very passionate. Always so strongly driven by his heart, his feelings, his emotions. Even though he often tries to hide it. I can only imagine what he must be feeling right now that we’re not on speaking terms,” Ed sighed and ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair and let out a weak chuckle. “You must think me weird for even carrying.”

Robin shook his head. “Not at all. He’s your friend and you’re concerned. I understand.”

Edward sighed again. “Despite our argument I find myself wondering what he’s doing and if he’s alright. I can’t help it. It’s like you said, he’s my friend. My  _ best  _ friend.”

“I understand,” Robin repeated with a smile and a nod.

Ed brought one of Robin’s hands to his lips and kissed it. “You’re so precious.”

The man chuckled shyly. “You’re too charming, Mr. Nygma.”

The sweet moment was gone as quickly as it had arrived and Edward realized his thoughts had once again wandered off to Oswald. He groaned frustrated and mumbled under his breath. “Damn it.”

Robin tilted his head. “Perhaps you should go talk to him? If you’re so worried about him,” he suggested quietly.

Edward instantly frowned and pulled away, appalled at the suggestion. “No,” he said firmly, shaking his head with determination. “He upset me too much. I won’t return his calls.”

Robin looked surprised and Edward bit his lip, realizing his slip. He hadn’t mentioned Oswald had called, texted and even sent a few letters during these last five days. He didn’t think it important since he wasn’t answering anyway.

“He called you?” Robin asked.

“Occasionally...” Edward admitted.

Robin was silent, glancing down at his hands as if avoiding Ed’s gaze.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Edward was quick to add. For some reason he ended up sounding somewhat defensive.

“It means he’s worried about you too,” Robin said. “And he’s right to. If it’s so hard for you to stay away, then maybe you really should answer his calls and check up on him. It could be important.”

“Robin, no!” Edward gently took Robin’s face in his hands, forcing the other man to look up at him. “I’m handling this.”

Robin didn’t seem so sure about that but he smiled and nodded anyway. Edward let him go and slowly descended into his gloomy thoughts once again. It was inevitable. A shadow was hanging over his head and he couldn’t get out of it. He couldn’t even acknowledge its existence properly.

~*~  

Edward hardly ever left their bedroom these days. It didn’t seem very healthy. On several occasions Robin had even heard him talk to himself. He was different, as if there were two of him sometimes. It made the young man really worried about his boyfriend’s wellbeing. He wished he could do something about it but he felt inept, like he didn’t know Edward well enough to actually help him. Like something was missing.

He was out to the grocery store, wondering how to at least cheer the man up, when he felt a firm hand grab his shoulder and twist him around. It was all rather rough and Robin accidentally dropped the items he was holding when he was met with a pair of stern blue eyes.

“You think this is funny? You disappear from the public eye, you neglect your responsibilities, you allow criminals to run amuck?” the man scolded huskily. “What’s with you lately? And when do you plan on telling me what happened to Butch Gilzean after the Red Hood gang attack? Huh?”

Robin blinked confused. “I-- I-- what.”

The man looked even more exasperated at Robin’s stuttering. “Here’s what we’re gonna do now,” he said, putting his hands on his hips. “You’ll come with me somewhere where we can talk and you're gonna tell me everything,” he reached out to take Robin by the arm. “The last time you acted like this Galavan had you in his back pocket. I’m not risking that again.”

That said, he pulled Robin towards the exit of the grocery store without further ado. Suddenly terrified of this whole ridiculous situation, Robin started to struggle against the firm grip, determined to set himself free. “Let me go! You don’t understand!” he gasped, attracting a few curious onlookers.

“I understand alright! Dyeing your hair and wearing clothes that seem normal for once won’t make you less conspicuous. I’m onto you.”

“You’re confusing me with someone else!” Robin insisted and pulled away from the man, taking a few steps back defensively. “There’s been a huge misunderstanding. I’m Robin Abernathy. I wouldn’t neglect my duties even if I were very, very sick, and I definitely have nothing to do with criminals running amuck.”

The man before him frowned a little puzzled and gave Robin a careful onceover, jaw slightly ajar in disbelief. He looked like he was finally seeing Robin for who he really was. “You’re not Oswald Cobblepot?” he asked, confused.

“Obviously,” Robin said but after today’s incident he too began to wonder if the likeness with the Mayor was really that striking.

“You-- you’re not limping,” the man observed, pointing stupidly at Robin’s feet.

“That’s a very good deduction. You should be a detective.”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” the man said, showing a GCPD badge and then offering his hand for a shake. “My name’s Detective James Gordon.”

Robin inspected the badge from afar and shook the policeman’s hand. “Always a pleasure to meet someone who’s first name is Detective,” he replied. Now that the immediate danger of being taken away by a stranger was avoided he felt more like his own self again.

The detective blinked puzzled for a moment, clearly not expecting to be teased, but then the words sunk in and he chuckled. “Yeah, it’s not that many of us wandering around.”

They both laughed a little awkwardly before Robin looked around for his groceries.

“Oh, here, let me,” James Gordon said and knelt to help the blonde man collect his items again. Unfortunately some were quite damaged from the fall. “I apologize for this. I’ll pay for them, of course.”

Despite Robin insisting that he’d got this, Jim paid for all groceries and helped him with carrying them. He claimed that was the least he could do after his terrible blunder. If he had to be honest, Robin didn’t mind the company at all. It was nice to clear his head a bit after all his worries around Edward and his bad mood. James Gordon took his mind off of that and reminded him that life wasn’t all about the depressed person in Robin’s apartment. They rested on a bench for a bit, just talking and joking around.

“Wow. I haven’t laughed so much in ages,” Jim admitted. “It’s always work, work, work. Stress. Criminals. Idiots.”

Robin chuckled. “Those are a very common and widely spread breed.”

“Unfortunately,” Jim gave him a wide smile. “Anyway, Robin… thank you. I didn’t know I needed this but chatting with you has been really… really good.”

Robin could relate to that. He suddenly realized he hadn’t felt this good in weeks. However, the moment he acknowledged that guilt instantly followed. Ed was at home, sulking and sad, while Robin was enjoying himself with this pleasant detective. It was unfair! He had to stop it and go back home to Edward. Even if he couldn’t exactly help Edward…  

“I-- I should go,” Robin said, gathering his things.

“Why? Weren’t you having a good time too?” Jim asked, looking a little disappointed and confused.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you, Jim,” Robin muttered, slightly ashamed. “My boyfriend is Edward Nygma. And he needs me right now. I shouldn’t be here, enjoying your company, I should be there with him.”

Now Jim definitely looked disappointment. It took him a moment before he regained control over his expression. “I see,” he said. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Robin tilted his head a little, not following. “What makes sense?”

“That Edward would date you,” Jim said. “When he was working at the GCPD he met with Penguin and-- well, he was a huge fan.  _ Really  _ huge. I think he had a bit of a crush on the man back then. But Oswald’s never been much for dating, you know. No one had a chance with him. I don’t know what Ed’s feelings for him are now but it makes sense that he’d want to be with you.”

Robin was silent. He did not like Jim’s words but he wanted to hear what else this man who knew both Edward and the Mayor could tell him on the subject. He needed more information. Perhaps Edward’s history with Mr. Cobblepot would throw some light on his current depressive episode. Perhaps that was the key to helping Ed feel better.  

“The Mayor never dates?”

“That’s not entirely fair to say. I mean, perhaps  _ I  _ had a chance with him but that wasn’t meant to be,” Jim said thoughtfully. “Oswald seemed to like me before. More than he does now. But he’s too much for me. He’s like a kid that needs nurturing all the time. It’s  24/7 work with him. Constantly. I can’t deal with that. I myself am quite the handful as it is, so--” He chuckled with a headshake. “I got carried away. I must be boring you.”

“Not at all,” Robin assured, sitting back on the bench next to Jim. “Tell me more. I find this conversation fascinating.”

Encouraged, and frankly pleased with having more time with Robin, Jim continued, telling the blond man stories about his first encounters with Edward and Oswald, their story together, their lives. Robin listened to all of it with great curiosity. Jim knew how to tell a story! Soon Robin found himself more intrigued with the way Jim told the story than the actual story. He was definitely glad to have met the policeman.

~*~

When Robin returned several hours after he’d gone out grocery shopping Edward was in for a surprise.

“What did you do?” He gaped at his boyfriend. Robin was wearing black eyeliner and heavy eye makeup. To complete his new goth look he was also dressed in black head to toe. His hair was still blond which made this whole picture entertaining to behold but also quite bizarre. “What’s all that?”

“Do you like it?” Robin asked, a small nervous laughter escaping his lips.

“I don’t understand it. What is this all about?” Edward asked, confused.

“Is it not okay?” Robin asked worriedly. His hands instantly went up to his hair, wrapping his blond locks around his fingers and pulling slightly. “I could dye my hair black too if you prefer. The complete look.”

Edward lifted his hand up defensively. “I still don’t... understand,” he repeated, voice dropping an octave as it sometimes did. “Why would I want you to dye your hair black? And why are you-- dressed like that all the sudden?”

“I wanted to give you what you wanted.”

“And why would I want…  _ that _ ?” Edward pointed at Robin’s general direction. “I mean…”

“I look like him, Edward,” Robin cut him off. It wasn’t a question. “Don’t I?” he repeated a little hopelessly.

“I don’t under--”

“I look like  _ him _ ,” This time Robin’s voice was firmer, more demanding. He would not be dismissed this time.

It was at this very moment that Edward finally saw it. The resemblance. Robin was Oswald. Or to be more precise, he looked like Oswald. If Oswald were blond, he’d look like Robin too. It was insane that Edward only just saw it now. It was so glaringly obvious!

A short silence followed, then Robin continued. “I met another friend of yours. Detective James Gordon?”

“Detective Gordon is not my frien--” Edward was about to explain but Robin interrupted him.

“He started asking me about what happened with Butch after the Red Hood gang. He mistook me for the Mayor.”

“But you’re not him.” Edward said dumbly.

“I am aware of that. Thank you. But I look like him. I really do look like him. James Gordon thought so too, and the Mayor himself noticed the likeness instantly,” Robin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now that I finally think about it, I can see it too. It’s uncanny, the resemblance. We’re like twins.”

Edward was silent. Robin seemed a little disappointed that Edward would not offer his own thoughts on the matter.

“We  _ do look  _ like twins which makes me wonder how come you’re the  _ only one  _ who didn’t notice?  _ You  _ of all people. Mayor Cobblepot’s right hand man. His best friend.”

Edward furrowed his brows and pursed his lips. This conversation was not to his liking.

“The man you spend so much time with, all the time. The man you’ve known for years. The man you offer your unconditional support and loyalty to,” Robin continued.

Edward was still silent. He didn’t know what to say. He was too shocked himself.

“Say something!” Robin pleaded, voice breaking slightly. At this moment he even sounded like Oswald.

Edward was pulled out of whatever spell of silence he was under, and spoke. “What do you want me to say?” 

“I don’t know. The truth?”

“I honestly didn’t see the resemblance until just now,” Edward said. “I cannot explain it either. I just-- didn’t see it.”

Robin nodded. “And when we met? Do you think you came to talk to me because I reminded you of Penguin on some subconscious level?”

“No!” Edward was quick to say. But then he frowned, wondering if that was really the truth. “At least-- at least I think not…” he added more honestly.

Robin nodded sadly. “Exactly.”  

“Exactly what? I don’t get it!” Edward said, frustrated that he wasn’t following.

“This whole thing was rooted in so deeply in your subconsciousness that you couldn’t even realize it,” Robin tried to explain. He bit his lips.

“What is rooted where?” Edward insisted.

“You always say I’m so beautiful I must have came straight out of your dreams,” Robin said with a melancholy smile. Despite his emotional words he appeared surprisingly calm as he continued, “From the very beginning of our relationship you’ve always praised my looks, admired my eyes, my lips, my hands, my form… And now it turns out I look exactly like your best friend. What does that tell you?”

Edward was silent again.

“Well?” Robin urged.

“It tells me… nothing. It tells me nothing,” Edward muttered.

“Come on, think, Eddie. What do you see when you look at me?” Robin was determined to open his eyes. “What do you  _ really  _ see?”

Edward hesitated. “I’m not sure anymore,” he confessed. He used to see Robin. Sweet dear darling Robin, with his beautiful eyes, snuggled in Ed’s arms, loving and attentive. The way Oswald was back when Edward nurtured him back to life after he was wounded, or the way he was on that couch when he took care of Ed after Butch tried to strangle him.

Oh.

So it  _ was  _ about Oswald after all. Robin reminded Ed of Oswald’s soft side, the side that usually remained well hidden but Edward had the privilege of witnessing. It was confusing to realize that what he loved about his boyfriend was actually a more tender version of his best friend. What was Edward to do with that information now?

Robin slid closer to him on the couch. He gently pressed the palm of his hand to Edward’s cheek and brought their faces together. And once again it was Oswald’s face. Now that he’d finally seen it Ed could no longer unsee it. It shocked him. How did he not notice it before? He was usually so observant! Why did he not see it earlier?

“The penny drops…” Robin whispered, patiently.

“I-- I had no idea…” Ed whispered. “Please believe me, Robin, I had no idea.”

Robin nodded. “I believe you,” he said. “So tell me. How can I help you?”

“... kiss me,” Edward replied shakily and when Robin brushed their lips together, slowly turning the gentle touch into a kiss, everything felt right for a moment. Until it wasn’t. Until Edward pulled his boyfriend closer to deepen the kiss and Oswald’s name escaped his lips as a soft moan. Then things were everything  _ but  _ right.  

The magic he thought he shared with Robin, their beautiful relationship, it was all fake. A substitute for something Edward wanted but knew could never have. An unattainable goal made more attainable. All this time Edward was projecting his feelings for Oswald onto Robin because Oswald was unreachable for him, Oswald wasn’t interested in relationships and dating. Edward already had his bad experience with rejections, he didn’t want to be rejected again, especially not by the best friend he’d ever had. So when he met Robin a new possibility was open for him. A version of Oswald he could have. Robin was right here, available for Ed to take so Ed took him, made him his, spent weeks in this fantasy land where he imagined he had the man he truly wanted. But now the facade was torn down, the fantasy gone, the spell was broken and all that was left of it was reality. How could he have been so stupid?

Slowly he let Robin go, sitting further away from him. “I’m sorry,” he told the blond man. He meant it. “I never meant to hurt you. Or use you. I honestly didn’t know.”

Robin nodded. “I believe you,” he said and once again Ed felt bad for dragging this guy in his drama. Robin shook his head. “I understand, I do. But I cannot be with you under the circumstances. I cannot keep up this charade.”

Edward bit his lip. “No, of course not. I wouldn’t expect it from you either.”

Robin sucked in a deep breath and put more distance between them. “You should go, Ed. It won’t be wise for you to stay in my apartment.”

Edward nodded again. “Yes. I’ll be gone by the afternoon.”

Robin seemed uneasy, concerned. “Do you have a place to stay?”

“I think I do,” Ed said. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll miss you,” a soft smile appeared on his face, “but I’ll be okay.”

Their goodbye was quiet, devoid of unnecessary drama. Things were what they were. Edward packed what little possessions he had brought to Robin’s place, Robin pecked him on the cheek and wished him luck, Edward left. They parted as friends. Ed only hoped he hadn’t broken the poor lad’s heart. His mind then wondered about Oswald’s heart.

~*~  

When he returned to the Mansion Edward found Oswald in Ed’s study, on the couch, staring at Ed’s desk and drinking. It wasn’t his first drink either because he reeked of alcohol. And a bunch of other not particularly pleasant odors. He definitely needed a shower. He also needed some sleep. The dark circles under his eyes were huge and more prominent than usual, he seemed quite dishevelled, dressed only in his trousers, shirt and socks. Ed hadn’t seen him in such a state since that time immediately after his mother’s death when Oswald was recovering from a gunshot wound in Edward’s old loft.

He didn’t notice Ed’s presence so Edward just stood in the doorway for a moment, observing and evaluating, before he took a step closer and settled next to the Mayor on the couch. They were both silent. Edward wasn’t sure what to say and Oswald seemed too out of it to even recognize Edward as something more than a figment of his drunken imagination.

“Oswald?” Ed whispered, hoping to attract the other man’s attention.

Oswald slowly turned his head in Ed’s direction until their eyes met. Then a desperate sound escaped his lips as tears slid down his cheeks. “You’re here. I’m glad. Even if you’re not real, I’m glad I can see you. I needed that,” he said. His hand lifted up as if to reach for Ed but then he changed his mind and decided to drink more instead. Perhaps he was afraid that if he touched Edward his fantasy would dissolve into thin air like a mirage. It was rather pathetic, yet so typically Oswald. His emotions were always so powerful, it was a miracle Oswald hadn’t burst under their force yet.

Edward wanted to speak, he wanted to talk to Oswald, share his revelation with his dear friend, yet it was clear that Oswald was in no condition to discuss anything at this point. He was too drunk to tie his shoelaces. Perhaps that was why his shoes were off.

“Come. Let’s get you to bed,” Edward said, wrapping an arm around Oswald and helping him up. He supported his friend’s weight as they waddled together towards the Mayor’s bedroom.

“No, wait,” Oswald muttered half-gone. “I want to sleep in Edward’s room. I want to feel close to him…”

“That’s just a little bit too creepy, Oswald,” Ed said amused.  

He guided Penguin to the Mayor’s bedroom. He didn’t think the man was in condition to recognize the difference anyway. As Ed put him to bed and tucked him in, Oswald mumbled some unintelligible things, then finally fell asleep like a baby.

~*~  

Oswald opened his eyes to find himself in his own bed, half-dressed, with a headache and a terrible taste in his mouth. He had no recollection of how he got here. It wasn’t exactly a novel feeling. He had been spending his days without Edward in a nearly constant state of drunkenness. It was just another disappointment in his life that alcohol didn’t really help him forget or feel numb. Nothing mattered anymore. He needed Ed, Ed was the only one, but he had lost him, probably forever. Edward hated him now. Edward was disgusted with him.

He groaned loudly and held his head between his hands, trying to push the pain away.

“That won’t help,” a familiar voice said from the other side of the bedroom. “But this might.”

A tray with a glass of something vile was brought to Oswald’s face. Oswald frowned at it and pushed it away. “I don’t want it.”

“It’s an excellent remedy. You don’t want to be hungover for the rest of the day, do you?”

Oswald finally looked up because that voice was just so-- “Edward,” he whispered, dumbfounded. “I thought I was dreaming last night…”

Edward smiled at him, shaking his head. “Wasn’t a dream,” he sat down at the edge of the bed. Oswald’s bed. “I thought it was time we talked.”

“I-- I fell asleep, I was merely--” Oswald stuttered. He felt like he had to explain himself yet he couldn’t find the right words. He didn’t even know what exactly was it that he wanted to explain. So he went with saying what he felt, “I’m sorry, Edward. I never meant to upset you. You’re the best friend I ever had, I don’t want to lose you. Can we pretend nothing happened? Go back to the way things were?” There was desperate hope in Oswald’s voice. It was reflected in his eyes too. Those beautiful eyes that Edward could finally admit he greatly admired. Oswald’s hands were trembling a little. Perhaps he hadn’t eaten much these days either. He looked like a mess. “Please?” he whispered.

“No,” Edward said, looking quite serious as he shook his head. “No, Oswald, we cannot go back to the way things were. I don’t want that.”

Oswald deflated. He looked crushed yet resigned. Like a man accepting his doom. “I understand. I ruined everything for us, didn’t I?”

Edward ignored the self-pity and instead cleared his throat. “The reason we cannot go back to the way things were is because I want things to be very different between us from now on.”

Oswald’s big blue-green eyes widened in expectation. He had no idea where Edward was going with this but he still hung on his every word. Edward wondered if Oswald’s feelings for him crossed the line of friendship too. He certainly hoped that.  

“How do you want things to be between us, Ed?” Oswald finally asked. “Please tell me we can still be friends?”

Edward shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t say that, Oswald. I wouldn’t want to call you my friend.”  

Oswald bit his lip, struggling to suppress his tears and failing. That was all the encouragement Edward needed to battle with his insecurities. He had to confess his true feelings to Oswald and hope for the best outcome. Perhaps, Oswald felt the same!

“I don’t want to call you my friend, Oswald, because I would like to call you something much sweeter,” Edward added, his hand gently resting on Oswald’s cheek as he lifted Penguin’s head to meet his eyes. “I hope to call you my darling, my partner, my beloved.”

Oswald gaped at Ed, unable to summon words. His breathing was shallow, his heartbeat visibly elevated. Edward continued,

“I love you, Oswald. I’d do anything for you, I hope you know that. If only you’d let me, I’d show you exactly how much you mean to me.”

It wasn’t much of a speech but it was true and from the heart. Ed believed Oswald would appreciate that more than any poetic eloquence.

And he was right. Oswald sobbed. “Oh, Edward! Do you really mean that?”

Edward nodded, a smile slowly spreading across his face.

“I’ve been feeling the same!” Oswald confessed, his hands gripping Edward’s arms tightly. “I didn’t want to mention it because you found Robin…,” his eyes went wide, “Oh, God! Robin! What about Robin?”

“We-- we figured things out,” Edward said. “Turns out you were right. I really was dating him because of his resemblance to you.”

“Oh,” Oswald blushed and bit back a smile.

Edward chuckled fondly. “He’s not a clone, though. Just so you know.”

“That’s a relief,” Oswald grinned. “Still I’m not sure I’m comfortable with having another person walk around the streets of Gotham with my face.”

“Don’t even think about killing Robin,” Edward warned. “Robin is a sweetheart. He deserves better.”

Oswald laughed. “I wasn’t planning on killing him.”

“I had to make sure.”

“Perhaps just find a way to change his face…”

“Oswald, no!”

“I was joking! It was a joke.” When Ed gave him a distrustful look, Oswald placed his hand on his chest, “Promise!”

They both laughed and Edward brought their foreheads together, gazing into Oswald’s eyes. He hummed. “This is it,” he said softly,” what I was looking for all this time. This right here feels right.”

Oswald smiled happily, overcome with joy and excitement. “It does,” he agreed.

~*~

They were out in the park for their third official date as a couple. Edward was preparing the blanket while Oswald went to buy them ice cream. Sometimes it felt so surreal that they were together. Neither of them thought of himself as the sort of person to experience such happiness. These things did not happen to the likes of them. But here they were, happy. Truly happy. Ed had loved Oswald for so long, it was extremely rare and lucky that he could spend his life with him now. He didn’t want to lose a moment of that life.

Their little space on the grass was ready and cozy when Edward looked up and his jaw dropped in shock and horror. A few feet away he saw none other than his darling Oswald in the arms of another man.

“How dare you, you little cheat!” Edward gasped, rising up to his feet, hands clenched into rageful fists as he was about to strode off to his partner and give him a piece of his mind and broken heart.

“Who’s a cheat?” Oswald asked conversationally from behind him. He was holding the two ice creams and smiling at Ed.

“You are!” Edward cried out before realizing how ridiculous this sounded. “Wait… you’re here.”

“Yes?”

“Then who’s that over there…?”

The two slowly turned their heads to the other couple that was snuggling and cooing something in each other’s ears like a pair of lovebirds. It took a moment of blank staring before both Oswald and Edward gasped as they suddenly recognized the two men as Robin Abernathy and James Gordon.

“I did not see that coming,” Edward said after the initial surprise.  

“I admit I only saw it coming a little bit,” Oswald allowed.  

“Well, I hope Robin’s happy with him,” Ed said but grimaced a little. “You don’t suppose Gordon has a thing for you too then? Does he?”

He sounded really concerned about it and Oswald had to chuckle at that. “I doubt that. I’m too much work for Jim. I need to trust my partner wouldn’t betray me. Jim let me down many times… Besides, I outgrew my fascination with him. As did you.”

Ed flushed slightly at the subtle reminder of his own short lived crush on James Gordon back when they were both working at the GCPD.

“Perhaps they bonded over their shared aversion to the life of crime,” Oswald announced and chuckled at his own joke.

“I’m not sure how I feel about that,” Ed finally said, still looking like a puzzled puppy. “I actually thought it was you there with Gordon. I nearly flipped. It’s weird to see James Gordon with someone who looks like your clone.”

“There’s always the option of cutting Robin’s face,” Penguin teased.

Ed rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around his beloved. “Nah. I’ll just enjoy the fact that I own the original.”

 

THE END

  
****

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This fanfic is based on [this post](https://penguinsheart.tumblr.com/post/176337434937/enygma-needs-time-to-solve-the-riddle-of-his) . Warning: It contains spoilers about the story!    
> 


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